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SIMPLE MATHS
 
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETICS:
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING ARITHMETICS:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn"t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY:
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there"s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn"t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won"t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION:
There are 2 times when a man doesn"t understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You"re next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.