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WHAT EVERY MAN EXPECTS IN A WIFE
 
~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
~ Her beauty won"t run in a rainstorm.
~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
~ She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it"s good
for her figure.
~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car
or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
~ She will hate charge cards.
~ Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, honey?"
~ She will think you have Einstein"s brain but look like Mr. America.
~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could
get some sewing done.
~ She will love you because you"re so sexy.

WHAT HE USUALLY GETS

~ She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
~ She was once a model for a totem pole.
~ Where there"s smoke, there she is -- cooking.
~ She"s a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.
~ She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do,
and everything you say.
~ No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion
in a steel wool factory.
~ If you get lost, open your wallet and she"ll find you.